The Endless Song Podcast
First Full Episode - June 21st! Will and Emily are a married couple at two different points and perspectives in the awakening process. They discuss topics, using cultural touchstones to frame the conversation, and interview people related to the phenomenon, in order to help themselves, and others, grow in their journeys.
The Endless Song Podcast
Episode 1 - Awakening
Will and Emily begin their podcast journey with an introduction, some shout-out love for the crew from the fair, and get down to business discussing Will's awakening experience on the bridge.
'Everything Feels New' and 'Alternative Ways' - Music by Evgeny Bardyuzha
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Absolutely.
UNKNOWN:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Let's do it.
UNKNOWN:All right.
SPEAKER_01:This is the Endless Song Podcast with Will and Emily. All right, so here we go. This is episode one. That'll be a good start, good informal start to this. So welcome everybody to the Endless Song Podcast. I'm Will.
SPEAKER_00:And I am Emily.
SPEAKER_01:And welcome to the show.
SPEAKER_00:Welcome, welcome, welcome.
SPEAKER_01:We're so happy to be doing this and getting it out to all of you. This has been in the planning for a short time, but it seems like a long time because it sort of hit us out of the blue that we were going to do this.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and we literally hit the ground running.
SPEAKER_01:Yes,
SPEAKER_00:literally. So a lot has happened in the last month.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. So pardon the mess. Stick with us as we learn. This is a first for both of us doing a podcast. So hopefully we give you something that makes you want to keep coming back and listening again and again.
SPEAKER_00:Where are we at? How are you doing today? Let's start there.
SPEAKER_01:How am I doing today? I'm doing good. I think... This is exciting, but it's also daunting
SPEAKER_00:to do
SPEAKER_01:something like this. Why?
SPEAKER_00:Well,
SPEAKER_01:I think because, as we mentioned in the introduction and I talked about a little bit in my bio clip, this is a whole new world for me at 50 years old. Not to date myself right off the bat.
SPEAKER_00:But yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and so as a lifelong... skeptic and you know non-believer having an experience like i had in january was it upset the apple cart a little bit so this is a totally new path i'm walking on and this is just the latest step in it and the latest thing i could check off on a long list of things that this time last year i never believed i would have done or would be doing at this point In the next
SPEAKER_00:year. Me neither. I never thought that you would be doing... I could see you doing a podcast, but doing something on music or something on baseball. I mean, you have a lot of interest, but not on this subject area.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Because it's... I mean, the whole thing is new. And that's things we'll be talking about in the future is about all the hang-ups and everything that come up with... doing something like this because you're right. This is not something I ever would have put in the top 10 list of ideas for a podcast to spend my time doing, but here
SPEAKER_00:we are. I think it makes it interesting because it's like being able to listen to you in real time as things have been happening for you, which I find fascinating because I mean, because I never thought that you'd be going through something like this. Yeah. And I think for other people who are going through the same things, really helpful, you know, knowing that they're not alone. You're not alone. I mean, I know that it was exciting. And we'll, I'm sure, talk about the Mystic Fair at some point here, which was phenomenal and more than we expected. But the fact that you found... others who were going through the same thing that was an amazing and it was just incredible to see you talking with someone who is going through what you were going through
SPEAKER_01:yeah it felt like crossing a finish line not the finish
SPEAKER_00:line obviously
SPEAKER_01:but um of the last like four months
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:and i think in a lot of ways it was something that needed to happen sooner rather than later. And, you know, getting to meet someone who was going through the same experience as me was like top of the list for attending the Mystic Fair. And we got so much out of being at the fair. But I mean, that for me was, I think, the pinnacle just because it really cemented the idea of doing this. Yeah. Because... the whole sort of impetus for this was there's got to be other people out there in the same situation as me, not necessarily having the same exact experience as me, but also not in a position to have someone like a you who's had more of a lifelong experience with all of this stuff. to bounce ideas off of, to talk things through with. I mean, many people might even be in situations where talking about stuff like this would get them into some trouble. So really that was the idea for doing the podcast was to reach out and tell my story and tell your story and tell a lot of other people's
SPEAKER_00:stories. Yeah, because they're all different. I mean, that's the thing about, you know, I call it this subject, but it's a totally natural process of what I believe that, you know, we're all going through. It's our journeys. And every single one of them looks totally different. You know, and that's what's really exciting about doing this is, like the Mystic Fair, and I know we're going to talk about the Mystic Fair, probably not this episode, but we could do a whole episode on the Mystic Fair. Because It was the first time in my life that I realized there's a lot more people like me. And I've never had anyone like me before that I've known. Friends, family. And I never realized how alone I felt. And so that fair was so much more than I had ever thought that I would get out of it. And the same thing for you. I mean, it was like just... being able to talk to people and hear their stories and understand that like, you know, we're all on this, this whitewater rafting ride together, but we're all hitting dips and flips and everything else at different points. And then we're coming out and seeing the, you know, beautiful scenery around each corner in different ways as well. So, I mean, it's really, it's, it's exciting. I think it's exciting. Like I'm pumped. to do this you know
SPEAKER_01:yeah I'm really interested to see where it goes one because my experiences were really you know there were gaps but they were heavy up front with what felt like the introduction to everything happening and now it feels like things have tapered off a little bit I mean I wonder if you know they have simply because it's been a lot finishing out work for the summer and then getting into summer and, you know,
SPEAKER_00:and
SPEAKER_01:then just getting to this point of getting this first episode done and up and out. And so, you know, the fair was a great way to, I think in my case, to feel like acceptance in a sense, which seems really weird to say being that, know as a gregarious person that goes out and starts conversations with people all the time you know there is that feeling like this is a shrouded part of my experience now because i'm hesitant to go out and just mention this to people and so you know And now, of course, the obvious choice then is to do a podcast where it's out for anyone who can find it to listen to. Go
SPEAKER_00:big or go home.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I guess. But yeah, it's good in that way, too, that even just getting to hear other people's experiences, whether they've been in the midst of the metaphysical, the spiritual, I mean, even other journeys that don't have anything to do with spiritual or the metaphysical you know there's lots of journeys out there that are happening yeah there's lots of awakenings that people are having i think especially now and it feels like the right time to sit down and talk about these things and bring things to light for that exact purpose
SPEAKER_00:so that
SPEAKER_01:the people who are going through it don't feel alone
SPEAKER_00:yeah i totally agree so why don't we start talking about it let's let's talk about the bridge
SPEAKER_01:let's talk about the bridge
SPEAKER_00:because you really haven't specifically told a whole lot of people about what actually happened to you yeah and and it's it's a lot and it was a bit shocking and You know, as someone who's been married to you for a long time, I never thought that I would see the day when this happened. So, yeah, let's start with that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, I think long story short, because we'll do a blow-by-blow account of it, break it down. in a separate piece.
SPEAKER_00:But I'm going to have questions as we go because I just do. That's my process. Sure.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I mean, that's the thing about the experience was I wasn't looking for it. I wasn't trying for it. I wasn't down on my knees asking for anything to happen. It just happened one day. out of nowhere with no pre-notion that it was going to something was up or something was going to happen and i think that's what made it so shocking when it did especially because it's not one of those stories where i was in some holy place or you know i was out touching the grass In my favorite baseball stadium or, you know, it wasn't one of those things where it was like someone could look back and be like, oh, it was it was set up. It was perfect for it to happen. And of all places for it to occur. while driving over a bridge is probably the last place from an OSHA point of view that would be the place to have an awakening experience and at least an initial awakening experience I think you could probably choose better choices but I mean I was out running errands I think I went to the hardware store I think I went to the grocery store that day And I think I may have even stopped at the post office of all places. And I was literally just driving home from running errands. And I mean, it was January. And here in Oregon, January is pretty gray for the most part. And it was a cooler and colder and wetter winter than we've had recently. But that day was gorgeous. It was one of those... weekends where we just pick up beautiful weather and it's blue skies and it's 60 some degrees in january and it was it was i mean it was absolute gorgeous day the windows were down in the truck the whole time i was driving that day i mean it was that nice a day and it seemed like every song that was coming on the radio to play was just one of my favorites And in a way, it almost felt like a setup, if you look at it that way. And I remember thinking at the time, just before it happened, as I was approaching the bridge, I had just watched a video on people who have UFO experiences. This was like two weeks before. And I had been making jokes every time I had felt good. that, oh, this would be the time that the UFO would show up. And I would be like, whoa, mind blown. I even made that joke just before I hit the bridge in my own head. Because I was like, I had remarked just before that just how perfect and beautiful of a day it was. And then I just really enjoyed myself. And considering the state of my mental health and I... you know, my physical health at the time, it was really a great day. And it was surprising to be in that good of a mood. So, you know, when I hit that bridge, you know, I cracked a little joke in my head about, haha, this is when the UFO would come. And out of the blue, it was like my focus split. So I was still... paying attention and driving. I mean, the car didn't cross over the lines. I was not in any fear of crashing the truck and going off the bridge into the river. And I was suddenly aware of an image. I've described it like when you take a picture on your phone now and you get that little bit of video play at the beginning in the and the end of the picture so you can kind of reset it and you pick the exact perfect portion of it if you want to and so it was almost like I was paying attention to two things at once and it was weird for me because obviously my brain feels like it goes a mile a minute all the time anyway and I was shown an image of myself in a hospital bed and you were there sitting next to me on the bed but I couldn't see our faces you were turned and mine was shadowed so I just knew that it was us and I just simply said to you this is it And I will find you next time around. And then in that moment, the me and the vision died. And I not only witnessed it, but I felt it. I felt that feeling. And When that happened, all of a sudden there was this rush of information. I call it, I've been referring to it as a packet, where it was almost like this extra file of information that was suddenly there that started flooding into my consciousness about what I was witnessing, that yes, that was me. And yes, that was you. And all of a sudden, I was very aware of what at the time, up till that point, I considered my conscience. And I was just drawn to ask out loud, are you me? And responded the way it normally does as more of like a presence or a feeling that yes and that I was it and in that moment everything you know all the you know the repressed anger that I had been carrying and everything else that I you know could feel in my chest disappeared like it was just gone and I remember feeling this relief and I just wept it's the only way to describe it I mean it was some of the ugliest crying I've ever done in my entire life and it wasn't but it wasn't sad crying it was joyful like it was really it was powerful I remember crying It started and I was like, whoa, what's with the crying? And it just kept coming and coming. And I mean, literally, I was 10 minutes from home. I cried all the way until the moment that I pulled in to the gate to be let into the driveway. And I couldn't have stopped it if I had wanted to. And it was just overwhelmingly... just took over. But when it was done, I felt clean in a way that I hadn't. I felt at peace in a way that I hadn't felt in a long time. But man, was it a shocker. And
SPEAKER_00:Well, what were you thinking? So you get to the... Yeah, I mean, you've been driving. You're still driving. And then you're getting to the gate. Like, you're home. Like, what was going through your head? Nothing. Really?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And that's what was so crazy about it. Because, I mean, you as my wife know that... I've lived my whole life with what feels like four separate tracks
SPEAKER_00:in my brain
SPEAKER_01:running at all times. Almost like I'm able to focus on all these different things. And then they take precedence as they go around. My brain just never seems to shut off. But from the moment the experience on the bridge happened, all for the rest of the drive, it was just crying and... stewing in this newfound sort of peacefulness and weird crying joy and and I didn't find myself evaluating or
SPEAKER_00:yeah you were just being it
SPEAKER_01:was like a spectating on this whole thing because I mean it was a shock I mean in a way I mean you could almost probably describe it as a form of mental shock because it was utterly unlike anything I've experienced in my entire life. And, you know, obviously, you know, the next part of the story is that then I didn't talk to anyone for two weeks and I avoided...
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's the crazy part. The fact that, I mean, you didn't tell me for two weeks. And it's like just... I can't even imagine that. You know, it's like, because, well, one, just because of my personality. It's like something happens to me. I'm like, oh, I got to talk to you about this before I've even thought it through. And it's like, because that's just my process. But even for you, like two weeks is a long time for something like this to happen. And you not talk about it. Yeah. So, I mean, what was going on for those 14 days?
SPEAKER_01:Well, for the two weeks, it was the skepticism.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know, I mean, ultimately what made me realize that something truly major happened and not some sort of mental break, because that was my initial hypothesis. Yeah, sure. was that the dam finally broke and I'm officially crazy now and I've just lost it.
SPEAKER_00:And what a beautiful way to have a mental break. Well,
SPEAKER_01:sure, right?
SPEAKER_00:You've got to have one. And
SPEAKER_01:all the while managing to somehow not fall into, drive into the river or into one of Oregon's notorious six to eight foot deep ditches on the side of the road. Yeah, it came down to me really, I think ultimately knowing what happened was, different, and it wasn't going to be easily hand-waved away, but I had to go through the process. I wasn't handed a set of instructions. There's no book to read. You can do research on people having spiritual awakenings, but they're all different like the odds of me finding someone who had a vision and emotional release and then uncontrollable crying for 10 minutes while driving a truck over a bridge i mean you're talking about a series out there yeah maybe if and if you're out there and you hear this feel free to contact me because i would love to compare notes but really yeah i mean it I needed that two weeks to just deal with it. Because, I mean, my first instinct was that I thought I was going nuts. And that I had finally succumbed to how frustrated and angry and, you know, how out of control all of that was before this experience. Leading right up to the day of this experience, I just figured I just broke.
SPEAKER_00:And
SPEAKER_01:I wanted to do kind of a post-mortem on what was now clearly wrong with me. But it turns out that when I finally got to the point that I was ready to talk about it, obviously, you were the person I was going to talk to about it. Because there was this whole bent to it that was mystical or spiritual or metaphysical, whatever you want to call it, that you're my go-to for talking about stuff like that in a non-skeptical, X-Files-y manner. But that two weeks was literally me head down, doing the job of father, doing the job of husband, doing the job of my job. And in every bit of free time in between, analyzing everything that happened, pulling things apart. Because there were multiple parts to it. I mean, I experienced it all as one whole, but over time thinking about it, There were layers to it, like an onion. We were talking about this the other day. And fresh in the moment, in those first two weeks, it was all very still this whole thing that just happened. And until I could right myself with it, I couldn't really effectively dig into... what I was everything I was given at that point because I still was arguing with my rational self about whether it was even a real and true experience or not
SPEAKER_00:it's not like someone just drops off a puppy and you have the puppy that you can keep looking at and petting so you know it's real
SPEAKER_01:it literally happened over the course of like three seconds and Yet, when it's done, all you're left with are the feelings, the lack of feelings, the memory of it, and any information that...
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so much more than three seconds worth of information in our linear time.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, I think about it a lot like we get downloads on the computer. You get this huge file sent to you, And boop, it comes, and then you open up the file folder, and then there's all this stuff. And so it was three seconds of experience, but it was way more than that in terms of information and understanding and really reckoning that I had to deal with. And those two weeks were... I didn't even want to stick my head out of the hole... Because I didn't know what to say about it. I didn't know how to explain it. I'm still not sure I know exactly how to explain it all. Yeah,
SPEAKER_00:well, I don't think we go through paradigm shifts in our lifetimes very often. You know what I mean? They're not casual things that happens when all of a sudden your worldview tilts.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:You know? And this was a tilter. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:For sure. Yeah, and obviously I've had more experiences, nothing quite as dramatic as the bridge. In the meantime, and they've all helped unlock other aspects of that first original experience. But I think what... finally did it was at you know at about the end of the two weeks afterwards i just realized that the experience itself was tailor-made for me
SPEAKER_00:to
SPEAKER_01:not be able to just hand wave or dismiss it away
SPEAKER_00:yeah
SPEAKER_01:and the word that kept coming to mind over and over again was undeniable
SPEAKER_00:it
SPEAKER_01:was it was something i couldn't just close up a in a box and tag it you know for a funny party story later and you know and forget about it because it just stuck with me i mean i would wake up and think about it i would go to sleep thinking about it I would eat thinking about it I would think about it while I was working it was just always there and ever present and of course you know really ultimately the thing that made it so undeniable is what it did to me and that was you know obviously I was dealing with a lot and I was very angry and it was harder and harder to control it and tamp it down in my everyday dealings with people and hearing the news and listening to people talk and going places and little things that would happen. I was able to compartmentalize it for a long time, but it had turned into this rage ball that was centered right around my heart. I could feel it radiating and just stewing. And the moment the crying started, the anger ended. It was just gone. I felt 40 pounds lighter. And I realize now that I'm pretty sure I was cruising towards a heart attack. And that anger was going to be the fuse that finally lit me up and hurt me because I just couldn't let it go. And it was like the universe reached out and slapped me upside the head and and said, pay attention, we've got something to tell you. And it was pretty major and pretty profound. And none of my other experiences since then have been anywhere close to that, you know, earth shattering, for lack of a better word. But everything has gone back to the bridge. that moment is like forever etched. And every time I would go back and think about it for probably three, three and a half months afterwards, that ugly, crying, joyful would come back. So it was difficult to even talk about it because I couldn't control that. Whatever that was. It's
SPEAKER_00:beautiful weeping. That's what it is. It's beautiful weeping. No, and you know what? That, I mean, like, I'm going to be really honest. I'm impressed that you didn't start weeping while you were retelling the story. Because, no, seriously, because even when I, you know, talk about my near-death experience, I well up still. And it's because that love... that you feel that overwhelming sense of beauty and everything. And obviously, I don't know, I don't live in you. So I don't know exactly how it feels for you. But it's it's almost overwhelming like it's hard to hold on to for very long because there's so much of it you know and so it does it comes through in in weeping and tears and everything and and it's like these these aren't bad tears it's okay it's okay this is this is good this is good stuff but it does it makes it hard to talk about things and and I mean like you know My NDE was 45 years ago. And so it's probably not going to go away for you. I'm going to guess as you tell your story, for years to come, it will still have that emotional impact. And I think that's significant. There's a reason for that. It's like to feel that for the first time in your life, possibly. That's significant. Because it's kind of the gateway to... holy cow, this is an emotion that I've never... I don't even know if it's an emotion.
SPEAKER_01:The more I've thought about it, the more it feels like it is some form of emotion, but maybe not one that us as humans... is able to express correctly, it almost feels like it's too much. And so we... ugly cry but feel joyous and we may have a big dumb smile on our face I laughed halfway through my crying experience because I was just I was like what is going on how am I feeling like this but yet I'm crying uncontrollably so I started laughing as a part of it and it does there feels like there's a lack of control in there almost as if When you play your music too loud on too small a pair of speakers and the speakers can't handle sending out all that audio information so you get feedback and you get static and you get cracks and pops and whistles, the speaker just can't get out What it needs to say. And it felt in sort of the same way. Like my emotions, I couldn't
SPEAKER_00:express. Yeah, it's bliss. But yeah, we just don't vibrate at a high enough frequency to hold it for very long. And I wouldn't even want to, because it's so much.
SPEAKER_01:It was draining. Yeah, it was draining. I mean, obviously, it was 10 minutes. I mean, I was crying and driving a car with other cars around. There's a lot going on. But I mean, it was a level of emotional output that... I can't imagine sustaining on a regular basis. I was wiped out when I got home. I had just run a mile. And, I mean, we're talking the end result of a great day that I was high energy, feeling really good up until this point. I hadn't been out overexerting myself at all. And yet, after this 10-minute emotional breakdown, experience, I was done. Like I felt like I could take, I felt like I could sleep for days.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And you probably could have, if that had been an option, you know? And so after those two weeks of processing all of this, did you feel like, I mean, I know, I know we want to talk about vocabulary because in, you know, this, this subject area, um, There are words that mean different things to different people. So after those two weeks, would you have said, I'm going through an awakening? I mean, was that even in your mindset?
SPEAKER_01:No, because I really... That was terminology that came later. After doing more research, listening to... other podcasts watching people on YouTube doing some reading on the topic and you know to me it was the weird experience you know I immediately almost immediately started referring to it as the bridge because I didn't have a good way of talking about it you know 50 years of life in which all of this sort of stuff was on the periphery. I studied it as a kid, read about it, watched all sorts of shows, big into paranormal stuff and supernatural stuff. But the idea of stepping over that line into just utter belief of something, and belief by itself is such a loaded word for me because of my interactions over the years with organized religion, Just saying that word has connotation that I wasn't comfortable.
SPEAKER_00:So did you feel like it was a one and done? Like, whoa, this was an experience and this was cool and nothing else is probably going to happen?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I thought that was definitely a possibility. Mostly because I wasn't on some sort of crazy search for...
SPEAKER_00:meaning
SPEAKER_01:in life or anything like that I wasn't having a midlife crisis I wasn't looking for catharsis I wasn't it was like a Friday in January it was just a nice day and like this live grenade fell into my lap and so in a way I kind of hoped it was a one and done because it was a lot and I knew that especially after the two weeks of contemplating everything, that it was something that was going to stick with me. And it had already started changing things, how I thought about things. The anger going away really altered my day-to-day experience because I wasn't spending a lot of my time controlling and managing this raging emotion anymore. that was
SPEAKER_00:kind of in charge. Yeah, because that takes a lot of energy.
SPEAKER_01:But I mean, it wasn't like after it, I was like, oh, this is great. Let's do it again. Like I had no, it was like, okay, that was a great experience. Okay, if that's, you know, whatever it was, that's great. Thank you. And I mean, I really ultimately, I don't know if I'll ever know exactly who to thank for it, but it was what I needed at the time. And I think it saved me from having a heart attack, potentially dying. Yeah. And everything else that's come out of it over the course of these last four and a half months or so has been helpful and beneficial. So if it had been the only thing that happened to me, then, I mean... I would still be thankful to this day for having the experience because it's like going to the doctor and getting some information or a prescription or something that helps alleviate pain. It made me better.
SPEAKER_00:And
SPEAKER_01:I'm a big believer in things that make you better are good. That's what we should be doing. We should be working on being better every day. And this was one of those things that did that. And it really left me with more questions than it did answers. And I think maybe... I've had more experiences since then because I haven't given up on those questions. Maybe if I had just been like, okay, here's some stuff I'll never know, and I just walked away from it, maybe I wouldn't have had any more experiences. But I kept with it, and I kept thinking about it, and it kept being a big part of my focus that...
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, you started talking about it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's the thing. You led it into your life.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I needed to. After the two weeks, I was ready to talk to you about it. I didn't know if I was ready to talk to literally anyone else about it. When I decided I was going to talk to you about it, I had no plans of ever talking to anyone else about it. Ever.
UNKNOWN:Ever.
SPEAKER_01:Because, you know, as you would come to understand when I was fumbling through my explanation of what had happened to me, I had no clue. what had happened
SPEAKER_00:to me meanwhile my fingers are clapping together little miniature clapping and goosebumps are going all over my body and my vibes are like holy cow i felt like sparks were coming off of me because i'm just like you're waking up you're waking up you're waking up like that was just and there was the other part of me that was just like Like, who is this guy? Who is this guy? You know what I mean? Because it was just like, this is not something that I ever anticipated hearing from you, letting alone, like witnessing you just talking about it. And I mean, it was... You know, it was worrisome in the beginning because you couldn't get through it. I mean, you started just sobbing. But it was, you know, you were saying, but it was beautiful and I understood. And, you know, and it was like, holy cow. Like, what is going on? Like, we just came here to get some tacos. And now, you know, I mean, because this happened in a parking lot. And so... I don't know. Were you planning on telling me that night? Or did it just feel like, hey, we just parked. We're about to go in and get some tacos. Let's go.
SPEAKER_01:No, I think what it was was I had gone as far as I could go without talking to someone else about it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And in that moment, it was just like, okay, we're sitting here. There's no one else around. There's no one eavesdropping.
SPEAKER_00:It's as good a time as any.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not hopefully being recorded by anyone. And really, I remember the thing I remember most about it was wishing myself good luck that I could even get through the story. Because even still to that point, it was so raw that I... I couldn't think all the way through everything without breaking down.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, there were remnants of that surge, that feeling, that bliss that you were talking about that was like a live wire. And even coming close to just the meat and potatoes of the experience, you know... the two big sort of concepts that came out of it for me. Watch me dutifully skirt using the word revelations.
SPEAKER_00:We'll have a whole episode on vocabulary.
SPEAKER_01:But the... Yeah, I mean, it just... In that moment, it was time. I needed to stop because I was just in a feedback loop. I had gone far as I could talking about it, thinking about it. I had come up with all the possible scenarios, issues, problems, excuses for what it could have been, why it happened, and I could not debunk it for myself. And I think anyone I could have told the story to before then could have probably given me a bunch of reasons. It's this, it's this. But it was the experience of it. It was the feeling it, the living in it for those three seconds. that made it so undeniable and i just i couldn't let go of it and i needed to bring someone else in so who better to bring in than my wife who has lived a life of experiences like this and started out her life early on with an experience like this so i mean i knew there probably wasn't going to be a better time.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And there definitely wasn't going to be a better person to talk to.
SPEAKER_00:No. And I'm glad that you did, you know, because, I mean, that's... I know we've shared, you know, everything over the last couple of decades, but it's like something like this is... It's almost like it's more than personal. You know, it's... It's something else.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because really, we tend to talk about things being personal and our personas, but in a large part of our lives, our personas are created. They're curated by us.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:The people we are when we're out in front of people. For a lot of people, it's not 100% genuine. There are certain things you... curb and certain things you bring forward in certain situations because they're appropriate or they're right or you've been taught that that's the way you're supposed to be obviously that's not true for everybody but you know this this is something beyond that it's core it was just still really touchy to talk about so it I mean it's been a process ever since getting to the point now where i'm got a microphone in front of my face and i'm recording this and we're gonna share this with everybody you know with the hopes that i can get more answers and hopefully help others who have had the same experience
SPEAKER_00:it's a lot yeah there's so much there's a lot to talk about Should we go ahead and wrap that up for episode one? I think so. It was a lot. You look a bit tired.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's still a lot to talk about.
SPEAKER_00:We'll give you a break. No, you guys, thank you for being with us on this journey. Yeah. Truly, honestly, thank you. In
SPEAKER_01:the coming weeks, we'll be... talking about more things surrounding this and breaking off different concepts from my experiences, from Emily's experiences. We've already talked to people at the fair and made some great recordings and So we'll be bringing those to you, and we're hoping to interview people and bring even more people's stories out into the open so that this can become a resource for anyone who's experiencing the same thing right now. So we will sign off for now, and we will talk to you all next week. And hopefully you guys are all staying safe out there.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, motor gently, everyone.
SPEAKER_01:You've been listening to the Endless Song Podcast with Will and Emily. Today's music, Everything Feels New and Alternative Ways by Evgeny Barduzha. Stay safe out there, everyone. And remember, intentions matter. So be thoughtful, be kind and be better every day. And we'll see you out there on the trails. with a thousand people milling about and just bursts into tears explaining this to you because then everyone probably would have been like, what is
SPEAKER_00:up with that guy? He's fine. He's fine.
